Friendship

Has anyone ever stopped and wondered what friendship is born from? Nowadays I mean. But then again this could be my inner me, looking for some validation. Friends have always changed as the years progress. People change, and the friends don’t change along with you. It always impresses me to see the friends who have been best friends their entire lives. It makes me wonder if maybe we did not try hard enough. But I digress. When you look back on our parent’s childhood, life was simpler these new spoils and luxuries we have never existed. There were no great outside influences, parents spent more time with their children, indoor “shiny balls” never existed. Kids saw the sun other than to go to school or “to go to the beach”. These friends never had the same distractions, temptations we did. They were sheltered, that is the best way to put them. Nowadays since these poor examples are being set from childhood, friendships are so strange. They are not like the ones you saw on TV. Not even by a long shot. With friends realizing the good in one another and sticking with one another through thick and thin. It does happen, but not nearly as often as it should. Adolescent years are a dangerous thing. Friends who have been there for you tirelessly become almost obsolete why because they are not”cool” enough.  I’m sorry that I did this and to this day I can’t forgive myself. What happened to appreciating the good qualities in your friends? And what if they are not the flashy, boastful ones. That suddenly means they are not worth anything. As I was just telling my “dad” Kemoi, who never ceases to amaze me, not everyone can be extroverts. That makes no sense! All of us could not always voice our opinions openly and freely, because we also need to be able to retreat within ourselves and reflect. How can we live our lives openly all the time? A true friend. That is something we often wait until it’s too late to realize we had. I mean think about it: This obsession with fake friends…..It’s not logical!! But Lord knows that too often that humans act anything but logically. Do you think that you are so unremarkable that you will try to make as many “Friends” as possible. And then what will happen when your parents are fighting, or you failed an important test, or you are having “your time of the month” and you want to sit down and text that one friend you know that you can count on. You will have no-one. You owe it to yourself to find someone like that, for to have someone like that is a truly incredible gem in life.

Those in my form and my age group probably already know this. But I am noting a disturbing trend in the lower schoolers in my school, and other schools as well. The highly sexualized culture where clothes in stores either are above the knee or exposing breasts, shows are slowly appearing on children channels that emphasize the idea that having “boyfriends” and whatever is the most important thing. And now I sound like one of those cheesy articles where they are talking about the dangers that this will pose to the “next generation”, our generation, but unfortunately it’s true. I wish I could find some way to bring across this point. Because I firmly believe this is true.

But what will it take to instigate a change? Im honestly at a loss. But sometimes I find myself holding a book, and dreaming in my head of riding a bicicyle, and eating a 50c ice-cream cone, riding to my friend’s house to play jump-rope. The idea is almost nauseatingly pure, but it’s a nice idea.

But allow us all to be honest. Back then was not much better: racism was more apparent, wars were being fought as a result of countries pride and children were often heard wailing into the night hugging that ever-present teddy bear contemplating the fate of their parents. I cant help but think how this could have been a mechanism , the low crime rate, the “peaceful” life. No-one wants to think of the ugliness they know well is happening as they hear it on that quaint CB radio.

Life can’t be simple, but the true love of a friend can transport you to that same place. If only for a fleeting moment.

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Teenage angst

You see,

I am tired of always feeling sad and depressed. I mean I want to be popular but I don’t have it in me. I am awkward, geeky, nerdy and I can never get the guy. It just seems to be so easy for the rest of them. Even my friends. I am self-conscious about nearly everything and I don’t know how to correct thid. What I need is God’s guidance but I’m not prepared for it. To accept him, I need to surrender myself completely. But mercy I am wondering what can happen to me. All the things I wanted to accomplish I can’t, but I don’t know what to do. I’m unattractive not just physically but on the inside. And I hope I will get betterm But I am bery much disliked and a nerd *sigh*

4th form, Christmas Term

I have basically torched any chance at an Ivy-League university, and ive been too focused on totally meaningless and shallow ideas. And now any chance I had to go to the Ivy League university like i wanted to is gone. Most of the grades on my report card is in the Cs range and I will probably pay for that dearly.

This was not supposed to be my destiny. I was the person everyone had high hopes for and what have i become instead? someone who is insecure, never asserts her opinions and forever second-guesses herself. Oh wow i dont know what to do. My friends seem to be mad at me, no-one seems to be able to give me answers to my questions. Even though they dont have to answer my questions because it is my problem. But I feel lost, afraid and hurt. Ive made a complete idiot of myself.

I cant get into Yale or Columbia now, my grades would never pass the admissions board. I am truly sad and depressed. And its completely my fault. And though may seem overdramatic Lord I ask of thee please, what is gonna happen now? I was too be a shooting star, and I seem to be the opposite. What have I dont to myself.

Oh God what have I done?

4th form, perfectionism and me

Now that we are 4th formers, life seems more stressful,

less times to sleep at night, more homework to do and overall

u feel very stressful.

Then you hear of classmates elected as Junior Mayors, classmates who are receiving Magis

awards, and u cant help but think wats wrong with u?

Then you think of ur grades and how uninvolved u r and u will never be able to become the person u want to be

because low self-esteem prevents u from striving to be noticed.

I am indeed ashamed of myself and i feel rather worthless and thats not a feeling that is generally healthy.
So Lord wat shall I do?

I lack a great deal of self-confidence, dont know my faults and have a generally poor state of mind.

Help me i beseech you.

Hello to fellow WordPressers everywhere!

Yay, so ummm……first day on wordpress. Found it thru my two besties and i think it is kinda cool. So im gonna be posting every once in a while. So im gonna share some thoughts i have:

a)4th form work is sorta getting easier

b)Life has become even more hormone-filled

c)Self-conifdence is developing.

d)Maturity is being reached, but we still act like fools

e) Didnt patty use to cost 50 dollars

f)Can we really compare ourselves to stunning people on tv?

g)4th formers are very intelligent, confident and mature teenagers…….who play 1,2.3 Red Light

And thats about it.

I will get better over time.

Bonne nuit.

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